cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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