You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
