your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
