Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
