I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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