a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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