dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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