can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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