Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wish there were birth control emojis
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
