grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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