she was so not down for the gang bang
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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