my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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