i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
