He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
