you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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