My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
