I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
