So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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