Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
