The beers last night were like the tears from god
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
