I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
