Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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