Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
