do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
