if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
