Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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