Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
