Your tits are I can't wait for
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
