some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
