imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
