just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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