So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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