The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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