at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
