Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
