I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
