best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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