who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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