Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
