Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
