ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
