Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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