i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want to fling myself into the sun
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