I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Randomize
