Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
