I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Someone shit on the floor
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
