is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His nipple licking is glorious
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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