someone threw a dead crab at me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
