K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
