you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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