normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
