the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
