I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
