She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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