So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
