if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
